Txoj Kev Hlub Tsis Mauj Tiag

Txoj Kev Hlub Tsis Mauj Tiag

A love that’s never mind….

By: Pa KoU lEe AKA Flower Lee

9^th grade

It started on the first day of 9^th grade. I was in the school theater. Sitting all alone I looked around to see if there was anyone I know. Nope, no one. My teacher Mrs. Carson called me up to line up to go to class. In my class there was three Hmong. One was Sherry. She and I became very good friends. That week went by quick it was Friday already. During Friday break, I saw a boy who I liked at first sight. I don’t know why, but I just liked him. His name was Wonbi. I still remember what he has worn when I first saw him a black shirt with white strip on the chest and a baggy dark blue jean. My first impression was “wow, what a cutieâ€. I wanted to get to know him so bad. He’s so fine, that year about 3 or 4 girls liked him. It breaks my heart every time I heard that someone liked him. I wanted to get to know him, but stupid me don’t even have the guts to say “hiâ€. Anyway, if he didn’t like the other girls that liked him, he’ll never like me because they all are so much prettier than me. I wanted to tell someone that I can trust that I liked Wonbi, but there was no one. Lucy and Kelly are so lucky they are in his class. Everyday I can’t wait ‘til elective class, because I wanted to see him. He was in my P.E. (Physical Education) class and MAN! He looks hot in short. Susan was my best friend in 2-8 grade and now as well too, but I can’t tell her, I don’t know why but I didn’t tell her anything. I wanted to tell Sherry but I don’t know why I didn’t. Seeing Wonbi makes me happy even if I’m not by his side. Looking at him and seeing his smile made me fall in love with him. If he miss one day of school, that whole day I will go crazy wondering if he alright. Sometime, I would even go to my classes or electives late, because I wanted to see him. Many of my friends asked me who I liked, but I lied to them and say no one because most of the boys at the school are not my type. In my heart there is only Wonbi and he is my type and he is so cute…….at least to me. I don’t judge people by their looks and I believe that love doesn’t come from the looks because nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them. To me love is all about making an imperfect person perfect. Later as the year went by I heard rumors that he liked Lucy. I feel like my world is about to tumble down. Lucy didn’t like him. He wrote a letter to her telling her about his feeling he had for her. Lucy was going to throw away the letter that Wonbi wrote to her, but I told her not to because he took his time to write it, so she should take her time to read it. But she wouldn’t, so I took it and read it to her. Holding back my tears while reading the letter, this is what it said: Dear Lucy,

I hope you would take the time to read it and won’t throw it away. You are the first girl I ever liked so please think about it. Bye.

God Bless You!

Always,

Wonbi

Lucy: That dumps! “God bless you?â€ I’m not sick.

Me: Do you want to keep it?

Lucy didn’t want it so she threw it away. Lucy told me to tell Wonbi not to think about her again, I did. I feel so sorry for him, if only the one he loved was me he would never have to beg for my love…I would make him see that he’s everything to someone and he’ll be the luckiest person in the world. He brightens my days just by being there. If only I was the one he wanted…In P.E. he seems so sad and lonely, so I decided to go talk to him.

Me: “So, since when did you like Lucy?â€

Wonbi: “I liked her the first time I saw her. She was the first girl I ever liked.â€

That answer almost gives me a heart attack! We kept talking, even if the conservation hurt me, I was happy I got to talk to him. I know he needed someone to talk to about his feelings, and I’m glad that that someone was me. Before he left to change his P.E. cloth, I asked him one last question “Do you still like Lucy?â€ and he answered “No, because she don’t like me.â€ It makes me feel better, that no one is in his heart now. I help Wonbi in everything like his homework, doing test for him, and just being a good friend but toward the end of the year I heard that he and Kelly were dating. I was happy for them, but inside me, I was so hurt my heart was all torn up. That night in my room I cried because there nothing I could do now. What has been done is done. It is true love is blind. Why can’t he see my love for him? Why do people love the one that hurt them the most? All I can do now is wish him and the one he love the best. I cried because Wonbi and I will only be just friend and nothing more. Every time I see them together he seems so happy. I smile and say to myself “Your happiness is my happiness. If she makes you happy, then I’m happy too. May happiness and joy forever be in your life. I hope to see a smile on your face forever.â€ At the party at my school, they both slow dance together while I sat there and watch them, wishing I was the one he was dancing with. I try to act like everything is cool but seeing the one you love, love someone else was very painful. He was with the one he loved but if only that lucky girl was me…I would love him so much in return. Finally school is out for the summer. I know I must get over him but some how he kept sneaking back in my heart. I know I shouldn’t love someone who taken, but loving someone is something no one can control or help. Man, kuv nco Wonbi tiag over the summer.

10^th grade

In 10^th grade Sherry and I was in the same class again. She was the best friend anyone could ask for. In lunch I decided to tell her who I liked last year. She was surprise because she thought I can do better than Wonbi. (Probably what every girl say to each other.) I don’t know what happen to him over the summer but he got uglier. But to me, he was still the number one in my heart. Kelly broken up with him before school started. If only he was mine, I’ll still be loving him. I wrote a letter to him and that how everything got started. We started to write to each other back and forth the whole year. I kept every letters he wrote to me. When I told him that I kept all his letters, he started to keep all my letters too. I cherish every letters and read it every time I miss him because it’s like he’s talking to me. We been writing back and forth for awhile and I thought I was the only girl he was writing to, but I was so wrong he was writing and talking to other girls too. One of the girls he was writing to was Nelly. One of the popular girls in school. I didn’t do anything or say anything about it. Sherry, Wonbi, me and some others went on a trip. I would never forget all those times we spent together. Sherry almost told him that I liked him a long time ago, but I told her not to. I regret not letting him know. Before we came back to the school he touched my cheek with his hand and asks me if it was cold. I just smile. He was the first boy who ever touched my face. I was feeling shock and shy at the same time. His touch last only a second but the memory will last forever. His touch was so soft. Is it possible to love someone so much? Time after time and days after day I love him more and more sometime I feel that I can’t go on like this, but I didn’t have the gut to tell him that I love him so much. It’s finally the last day of school, I still haven’t told him how much I loved him. Before I went home I went and gave him a hug and say “take careâ€. I wish I could have say “love youâ€ instead. I know he’s like a star that I can never reach but he’s the only star I thought that can make every wish of my come true. To me, he is a star that shines brightly in my heart. If only he asked me to be his girl…

11^th grade

This year I decided to tell him how much I loved him. So I called him and told him how much I loved him. I told him not to be scare of me because I feel that I should tell him before it too late or I might never get a chance to tell him. He was silence most of the time. Then before I hang up I ask him one last question “Have you ever have feelings for me, or felt like I feel for u?â€ He didn’t answer me so I just say it okay and hang up. After letting him know, everyday was a pain. I found out later that over the summer he was talking to Nelly it hurt me even more, the whole summer I was being faithful to him and not talking to other guys and not finding someone new, while he was talking to other girl. But it’s not his fault because he didn’t know that I liked him. After letting him knows, he was scare of me as if I was a monster. Wonbi run away from me every time I walk by or came close. He wouldn’t even look my way by accident! I wanted everything back to normal, I wanted to be his friend again. I regret telling him. If I knew he’ll be scare of me I will never tell him. I feel so bad because I’m scaring him and making him scare to come to school. After a few weeks, Stacy told me that Wonbi have a crush on me since 10th grade when we started to write to each other. Inside, I was so thrill that he liked me, but I just act surprise because no one knows that I liked Wonbi only Sherry and Abby. I was kind of surprise because I thought he was scare of me. Soon the whole school knows that he liked me. So I told Sherry to tell Wonbi everything I didn’t get a chance to him. (Like girls we tell our friends to tell somebody how we feel about them.) She told him I still remember what he wore when I first saw him, how long I liked him and everything else. Everything was going pretty well so far. Sherry was trying to help Wonbi and I get hook up but it just didn’t work out. Sherry pulled me and Wonbi together because he was going to ask me to be his girl. (YEAH!!) I stared up at his eyes while he stared down at my. We both just smile and before he could say anything the bell for bus rider rung. Sherry was anger because Wonbi didn’t ask me out and she run to her bus. I run after her feeling sad and mad at the same time because I feel that I have just lost my chance. Why didn’t I wait for Wonbi to ask me? Why did I run to my bus when the bell rings? Did I lose my one and only chance with him? Why didn’t he ask me to be his girl before I left? Will I ever have a chance with him? I keep asking myself these questions while on the bus. On the day of the Valentine Dance he sent me a candy gram. I gave him something in return. Not very much PEOPLE was coming to the dance so I ask him if he was going to the dance. He says that he’ll go if I go. I will never forget that evening we spent together. Sherry was helping Wonbi to ask me out. The whole time at the dance we both hang out because Sherry went home early. I was kind of disappointed because he didn’t ask me to be his girl at the dance. Over the weekend Sherry called me and told me that she thinks she heard Wonbi did ask me out at the dance but the music was so loud I couldn’t hear it. I never did find out the true if he did or didn’t. That night I got a dream that he walked up to me at lunch and asked me to be his girl. I didn’t get a chance to answer him in my dream because I woke up. It was 3:00a.m in the morning. I was crying myself back to sleep wishing my dream will one day come true. I don’t know why I love him so much even though he has broken my heart so many times. I kept the wrapper of the candy gram because it was something from him. I call and told Abby about my dream after talking to her makes me feel better. He never did ask me to be his girl as the year goes by. But I’m happy that he did ask me in my dream. If the only way I will get a chance with him is in my dream, so be it. Every night when I saw a star I wished for him. Later I found out that I was wishing on the same star every night. Every wish I got I wished for Wonbi, every night I pray, I prayed that Wonbi will be happy and one day be mine. My wishes and my prayers, that he will one day be mine never did come true. I learn from this experience that never love a guy with all your heart, let them be the one who love you with all their heart, and if you love someone tell them so they’ll know and you could move on with your life if they don’t love you like you love them. Don’t waste your time loving someone so much if you are not going to tell them because they will never know. Wonbi was blind he couldn’t see my love and he was deaf he could hear my heart beat for him. But it Okays maybe we are never met to be. I will try to let Wonbi go, but until I can do so, I’ll always have an empty space in my heart for him. I’ll wait and see who can fill up that empty space in my heart. Why I love him so much remain a mystery. Sometimes love don’t come with reasons. Always hold on to what you believe in and who you love until perhaps there no more hopes, but remember true love never run out of hopes. Wonbi was the first boy I ever liked and the one that hurt me the most. I’ll let him go if he ever return to me then we are met to be if he don’t, friend is all we’ll ever be. Kuv txoj kev hlub tsis muaj tiag. (My love didn’t come true.) Even though Wonbi and I never got a chance to be together, I’m very happy that I got to know him once in my life and that he had once liked me THAT WAS THE BEST FEELING EVER SOMEONE I LONG FOR HAVE LIKE ME BACK. Even though I don’t get a chance with him, I’m glad I got a chance with him in my dream. I don’t know how many times I tried to let him go, but I can’t. So before I leave it all behind I got one thing to do, and that is one last cry for all the heartaches, for all the loves, for all those times we spent together, for everything, and for him. I was three words late, but I want to say it to him STILL: “I love you Wonbi I very do, kuv hlub koj! Kuv hlub koj tiag, tiag from the bottom of my heart!!â€ …….

The End!